Difficult Questions

I think the hardest thing about being one of Lucifer’s own is the fact that he encourages doubt and skepticism, he encourages challenging one’s own beliefs.
Its hard enough having my own subconscious nag at me about whether or not I’m making him up, but also having him watch my inner turmoil and asking even more difficult questions?
I guess that’s why it took me so long to get rid of the agnostic title. Deep down, at the core of my beliefs, I think I’ll always be agnostic—always toeing the line between faith and doubt. For the most part, I’ve learned to accept that, and simply choose to believe despite my uncertainty.
But then, he starts asking me even more difficult questions—questions I don’t want to think about, questions that have the ability to destroy the system of belief that I have built for myself.
Questions that can tear apart my relationship with him.
And so I’m forced to face up to these fears and doubts, forced to question his intentions, and forced to ask myself why I do his Work.
I’m forced to question my devotion to him.
I’m waiting for the day where these questions will not strengthen my faith, but bring it crumbling down.
And I think he is too.
But for now, I accept this skepticism and doubt as another part of my Work, another tool for personal and spiritual growth.

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