Transferring this conversation from my tumblr, because I think it does a good job on merging different views of Lucifer and his different aspects. It started with this picture, btw :
This gives off such a ‘Lu’ vibe, and not the good kind. It makes me incredibly uncomfortable, because it reflects the side of him that would be willing to go to any lengths, to spill blood, to slay his own kin, in order to achieve his ends. It’s the cold, calculating warlord who doesn’t recognize me as a student or disciple, but simply a pawn.
And yet, I’ve come a long way to be able to accept this as a part of my patron. I may not like it, I may not be comfortable with it, but I accept it. As the Lightbringer, his light inevitably casts a shadow. I cannot claim to be his disciple while forever hiding in his blinding light, for fear of the darkness that follows. Instead, I must learn to balance in the liminal realm between the two.
I actually feel the opposite. It doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable, it gives me a fierce sense of pride. This is the side of him that went to war, despite knowing that he would be labelled a traitor, he would be cast down, and he would most definitely lose. This is the side of him that fought a losing battle, outnumbered, because it was doing what he knew was right.
This is the side of him that makes me want to stand by him, ready to fight any battle that he chooses, to move as a chess-piece in accordance with his plans.
From the start I never saw his Lightbringer side. I’ve always seen this side of him, despite how he chooses to portray himself to me, how “nice” he appears, because it’s always there, under the surface, like a storm. The rebel, the warlord, the fighter.
And it’s okay with me, because I’ve fought losing battles, and I’ve been cast down, and trampled upon. And inside me, there will always be that spark of defiance waiting for the right time to be kindled into flames.
I see it differently anyway. I see this as someone who will do whatever he needs to to get what he wants, and what he needs. A determined being, not “evil” or “dark” in the typical sense, but certainly not some “light bringer”, either. I’ve never thought of Lucifer as a bringer of light, but more as the bringer of truth, and in bringing truth, darkness. He may not be my patron deity, but he is a favourite of mine, especially in this form—the only form I’ve ever imagined him being in. Dark and dangerous, yet not cruel. His face in this is not cruel, but inviting. He looks quite inviting to me, as though he’s saying, “Come. Fight with me. Turn your back on all of the lies of this world, and cast your soul into my oblivion, for it is only there that you will be enlightened.”
I see both of your points, and I see those qualities in that side of him as well, but it may be the remnants of my catholic upbringing and pacifism that nudges me towards feelings of unease rather than pride. Perhaps it would then be best to say that this is a reflection of the harsh truths that need to be faced, whether they be in regard to war or enlightenment.
He did come to me at first as the Lightbringer, because that was what I needed at the time. I needed to be able to look past the despair and depression in order to accept myself and the world around me. I needed to see hope and potential and beauty, to understand what was so worth fighting for. I needed to fall in love with this world and with humanity to know what was at stake.
As expected, that didn’t last for very long. Gradually, the Lightbearer began to fade into the Warlord. It was then he taught me about the sacrifices that had to be made for the sake of that glimpse of light he had shown me, and the harsh and bitter truths that turned that brightness into gray. Then the questions was asked—amongst so much sorrow and pain, was it still worth fighting for? Is it worth turning brother against brother, is it worth foregoing mercy and compassion and all sentimental emotion in order to do what is necessary?
And so I understand the feeling of pride, determination, and inspiration that this evokes. But I also understand the price that must be paid, and I’d be lying if I said that didn’t make me uneasy.