Bearer of Light

I have a really hard time putting Lu’s Lightbearer aspect into words. Part of me feels silly for being so emotional over it, for the ache in my chest, and his goddamn ability to make me burst into tears by simply allowing me to catch a glimpse of that aspect. I feel silly because I shouldn’t be so scared or overwhelmed of ‘light’, right?

I find it near impossible to accurately describe how gorgeous and fragile and breathtaking he makes the world appear, and how hard it is to remember to breathe when you’re lost within the depths of life itself, as if seeing things for the very first time. I can’t entirely explain how it feels like to be simultaneously loving and grieving and feeling like a star just supernova’d in your soul.

And then, just when I think I can’t take anymore without my heart bursting, I’m left utterly empty and trying to piece together what little sanity he’s left me with.

It’s so much easier to talk about the aspects of his make me want to pull my hair out in frustration. It’s easier to talk about his ‘darker’ aspects than it is to contemplate his role as the Lightbearer, because of how terrifying and exhilarating bliss can be.

We tend to forget, or maybe we’re just too scared to admit, that light can be even more cruel and terrifying than darkness.


15 thoughts on “Bearer of Light

  1. journeymaid says:

    Your post reminds me of the work of one of my favourite authors, Hjalmar Söderberg, and more specifically his book Doctor Glass.

    “There is a little known secret about truth, which I think need to be revealed. Truth is as the sun; it’s distance from us being most important. If the “thinkers” could do as they wished, they would steer Earth straight into the sun and burn us all to ashes.It shouldn’t come as a surprise that common people sometimes fear the acts of “thinkers”, crying out: “Turn off the sun! Put it out, damnit, put it out!”. Now, our job is to maintain a good and proper distance to truth. A good writer, of which there are very few, can UNDERSTAND the thinkers while at the same time FEELING for the common people. It is our task to protect the thinkers from the wrath of the general populus, and the general populus from too high doses of truth.”

    “You shall not ask! Not dig too deep, or you will dig your own grave! Not search for the truth; you wont find it but you will lose yourself.You shall not ask! The amount of truth which is good and useful, will be given to you. It will be mixed with lies and delusions, but that’s what’s best for your health, in a pure state truth would only serve to burn through your intestines.”

    Needless to say, the main character of this book ends up shying away from the truth, after realizing that too much truth is horribly hard to accept and might get you burned. This is what light is to me, it is truth. And though I myself constantly search for truth, I also have a great deal of respect for the cruel aspects of it…

    • I’ll have to get my hands on a copy of that book! =]

      • journeymaid says:

        I’m not sure how good the translation is though, since I’m guessing you don’t read swedish… or maybe you do? =) Anyhow, those two quotes I wrote above were my own translation. I did some research on exactly that – what Söderberg actually says about light, reality and truth in contrast to darkness, dreams and lies, and honestly it’s not always obvious. On the surface it’s a not-so-interesting story about a doctor. But the deeper you delve into it, the more you realize that there is some pretty deep shit going on. But I’m afraid an english translation of the book may have completely lost that aspect, since it’s so very much hidden in how the author uses certain expressions, which could be completely lost in another language… translations are tricky…

      • Oh, nope, don’t read Swedish, haha. Oh well!

  2. lokisdattir says:

    That was the aspect he showed me in childhood. He is beyond beautiful. Like morning after a lifetime of winters. For years, I didn’t know who he was. As I grew, he took on the form of Sammael, which I believe is his post-Fall aspect. Though Sammael is terrifying, Lucifer is even more so, and I believe it pains him to remember himself, for me misses God’s Light so much.

  3. lokisdattir says:

    Relatively speaking, the Judaic pantheon is still young, compared to older religions. In my experience, the angels seem young, and demons behave almost like genius frat boys with a grudge. Lucifer is like a sleeping king- he merely needs his crown. Out of all the angels, he is the one who descended like Odin for wisdom and fell to the depths, becoming Satan, the Angel of Death, as Odin did, and thus gaining power over life. To me, he is the shaman of the angels. I wonder if this whole 2012 panic is simply him remembering who he is.

    • He does remind me a bit of Odin sometimes, or at least, what I perceive Odin to be like since I’ve never actually interacted with him.

      • Beth says:

        This is a beautiful post! I am Odin’s, and I can see similarities between the two as well; though I’ve never actually worked with Lucifer, Odin masqueraded as Him with me for a bit, years and years ago now.

      • Thank you. I’d love to hear about that experience sometime! It appears he’s not the only one in the Norse pantheon to have pretended to be Lu at one point of another–Loki seems to be fond of wearing that guise as well, from what I’ve heard.

  4. Alex says:

    The light is scary because it shines into the dark and reveals that which we prefer to keep hidden. I’m scared of the dark, but I’m more scared of what allows me to see what hides in the shadows.

    • I think part of the reason I’m so uncomfortable about the light being dangerous is that I was raised in a religion that classified the light as being good, and the darkness being bad. So if the light is suddenly no longer safe and secure, what is there to trust anymore?

      But I agree with you that it’s ability to reveal that which we don’t want to see or are afraid to see is also unsettling.

      • Alex says:

        Wow, that makes lots of sense. I was raised in a similar religion where the dark was scary and evil, too, and I’d never thought about it from that perspective.

  5. […] posts: The Warlord and the Lightbringer, Bearer of Light, So-Called ‘Luciferians’] Share this:TwitterFacebookLike this:LikeBe the first to like this. […]

  6. Brandon says:

    When I finished reading this I couldn’t help but laugh at the irony. About a month ago, I had had a dream with the exact intense,overwhelming feelings you described. Heck, when I awoke I had trouble believing it was JUST a dream..Still do. The day after I stumbled upon Lucferianism and it kinda stuck. I’m new to the faith but something about it just feels right.

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