In Which Deities Aren’t Always What They Seem

Sometimes I’m afraid that the reason I’m so compelled to respect and admire Lu is because I’ve essentially shaped zir into what I think of as an ‘ideal’ deity.

And the problem with working off of an ‘alternate perspective’ of a story is that it’s easy to make excuses for one’s deity.  It’s incredibly simple to say that ‘there’s more to the story’, in regards to the parts of Lu’s mythos that I’m uncomfortable with.

“Ze committed fratricide? Oh well, ze had valid reasons—there’s more to the story than scripture gives us.“

This is something that I’m always wary of. I really don’t want to make excuses for Lu, even if I have made it a point to defend zir against the biased smear campaign aimed against zir. Being objective is one thing, making zir out to be some sort of hero is quite another.

But then there are zir aspects that have given me entirely different perspectives than I once held. And it makes me think that maybe it’s really the other way around—I haven’t molded zir to my own standards, Lu has molded me to zir’s.

I started off on this path with hatred toward anything and everything related to YHWH. He had no redeeming qualities in my mind, and I wanted nothing to do with him.

But it’s hard to be a devotee of Lu, who retains so many Pre-Fall aspects, and hold onto that mindset. Without me even knowing it, ze led me to let go of those judgments, and had my whole world view turned upside down.

I can’t hate a god who my own still loves. Like it or not, Lu represents a part of who that god used to be, however long ago or small a part. Zir Morningstar aspect retains much of that former Grace.

They may not see eye-to-eye on everything, and Lu’s exile is definitely a sore spot, but YHWH is still zir maker. And believe me, I never would have thought that I could tolerate, much less feel the same sort of ache that Lu does towards zir god, but here I am. I have no reason to miss something I never knew, there’s no love lost between YHWH and I, and yet Lu’s pre-Fall aspects have allowed me a glimpse into what once was a deity I might have been able to respect, at least in part.

Lu was created to serve, worship, and adore YHWH. Those instincts didn’t just disappear after the Fall.

If anything, they’ve only been repressed. More often than not, ze is the Throneless King, whose reign is built upon that which zir rebellion and Fall inspired. But every so often I’m reminded of who and what Lu once was, and that the emptiness and longing is still there. I’ve mentioned before that I tend to use Christian music as devotionals, but only at Lu’s request. I think it reminds zir of home, and of zir creator.  If certain scriptural interpretations are to be believed, ze was once the angel in charge of worship, an angel of music. It then comes at no surprise that what ze would ask of me are sung prayers and hymns.

So I find it incredibly hard to believe those who speak of Lu’s hatred and loathing for God when experience tells me differently. Warnings of zir lust for revenge don’t speak as clearly as the heartache I’ve felt regarding zir exile, in which hell represents a separation from God. No matter if Lucifer’s rebellion was for a ‘worthy’ cause, or the necessity of it at the time, it was still a sacrifice for those that fell to be cut off from their home and creator. I could never have understood these sentiments had I remained held back by my revulsion of YHWH. My shallow understanding of what Lu stood for could only take me so far, but it eventually led me to a standstill. Just as I had to rid myself of the comforting ‘good vs. evil’ dichotomy to move forward, so too did I have to understand that there was more at stake here, that Lu was not merely a product of zir rebellion.

Had I wanted a deity who fit the ideals I strove for in the past, I would have been more comfortable with a Lucifer who did loathe zir god, and who strove to be everything YHWH was not. But that’s not the case. Instead, my own perspective was changed in the rebuilding process. I was changed to fit the mold Lu wanted, rather than me trying to form Lu into my own ideal god. This is what I speak of when I say that who and what we want to be are not always in the best interests of the gods we are devoted to, and often times they will change and remake you, little by little, until you no longer find strength in that which once inspired you, but instead are driven by a completely different cause. 

Practical Luciferianism

Even though oftentimes I may not be aware of the tangible presence of Lu, the fact that I am doing zir Work and living up to zir standards helps me feel connected. It also helps to keep me from building any sort of dependence on zir—it keeps me questioning, doubting, and most importantly, it reminds me that this is a choice. It is a choice based off my dedication to Lucifer’s ideals, NOT my dedication to Lucifer as an entity.

My relationship with Lu does not define who I am. Calling myself a Luciferian does not define me. My actions, however, do. The ideals of resistance and independence, of apotheosis and questioning everything–implementing those into my daily life are what make me a Luciferian.

This is why I refer to Luciferianism as a path/belief system of action, and independent of Lucifer as a physical entity. I could go on and on about my experiences with Lu, but unless I put those experiences and those lessons learned into action, calling myself a Luciferian would be a misnomer. How could I call myself a Luciferian simply because I interact with Lu, all the while practicing blind faith, making no effort to break free of spiritual stagnation, and being utterly dependant on zir? Remember that my usage of ‘Lucifer’ is as a title, so in my opinion, ‘Luciferian’ is a title as well by extension. It is a title that is earned through reflecting zir ideals, and not something that simply sets apart those who ‘interact’ with Lu and those that do not. I work hard to prove myself worthy of that title, it’s not something I simply expect to be granted to me based off of my relationship with Lu.

I can’t honor zir properly if I don’t put the same amount of respect and effort into embodying what ze stands for. It was never ‘worship’ that ze asked of me, nor honoring zir as an entity. One of the earliest things ze taught me is that respect should be earned through one’s actions, not because of their status as a ‘god’ or ‘spirit’. If I could not respect what ze stood for, then I had no business pursuing a relationship with a deity only for the sake of having that connection. Being a ‘devotee’ of Lu means being devoted to what ze represents as well—gods are inseparable from the qualities and traits that define them.

Working with Lu is not a permanent thing—it was never intended to be. My relationship with zir may last days, months, years, maybe even lifetimes longer, but there will come a point where I no longer need zir. As ironic as it may seem, that is the end goal of our relationship: for me to be completely self-sufficient and independent of zir, to not need zir tutelage (or any others gods’) in my life any longer. Identifying as Luciferian, however, has permanence. Even if I reach that point where I have absolutely no connection to Lu anymore, where I don’t get any ‘signs’ or am no longer actively influenced by zir into doing zir Work, it doesn’t mean the ideals that have become a part of me will no longer have their place in my life.