In Which Deities Aren’t Always What They Seem

Sometimes I’m afraid that the reason I’m so compelled to respect and admire Lu is because I’ve essentially shaped zir into what I think of as an ‘ideal’ deity.

And the problem with working off of an ‘alternate perspective’ of a story is that it’s easy to make excuses for one’s deity.  It’s incredibly simple to say that ‘there’s more to the story’, in regards to the parts of Lu’s mythos that I’m uncomfortable with.

“Ze committed fratricide? Oh well, ze had valid reasons—there’s more to the story than scripture gives us.“

This is something that I’m always wary of. I really don’t want to make excuses for Lu, even if I have made it a point to defend zir against the biased smear campaign aimed against zir. Being objective is one thing, making zir out to be some sort of hero is quite another.

But then there are zir aspects that have given me entirely different perspectives than I once held. And it makes me think that maybe it’s really the other way around—I haven’t molded zir to my own standards, Lu has molded me to zir’s.

I started off on this path with hatred toward anything and everything related to YHWH. He had no redeeming qualities in my mind, and I wanted nothing to do with him.

But it’s hard to be a devotee of Lu, who retains so many Pre-Fall aspects, and hold onto that mindset. Without me even knowing it, ze led me to let go of those judgments, and had my whole world view turned upside down.

I can’t hate a god who my own still loves. Like it or not, Lu represents a part of who that god used to be, however long ago or small a part. Zir Morningstar aspect retains much of that former Grace.

They may not see eye-to-eye on everything, and Lu’s exile is definitely a sore spot, but YHWH is still zir maker. And believe me, I never would have thought that I could tolerate, much less feel the same sort of ache that Lu does towards zir god, but here I am. I have no reason to miss something I never knew, there’s no love lost between YHWH and I, and yet Lu’s pre-Fall aspects have allowed me a glimpse into what once was a deity I might have been able to respect, at least in part.

Lu was created to serve, worship, and adore YHWH. Those instincts didn’t just disappear after the Fall.

If anything, they’ve only been repressed. More often than not, ze is the Throneless King, whose reign is built upon that which zir rebellion and Fall inspired. But every so often I’m reminded of who and what Lu once was, and that the emptiness and longing is still there. I’ve mentioned before that I tend to use Christian music as devotionals, but only at Lu’s request. I think it reminds zir of home, and of zir creator.  If certain scriptural interpretations are to be believed, ze was once the angel in charge of worship, an angel of music. It then comes at no surprise that what ze would ask of me are sung prayers and hymns.

So I find it incredibly hard to believe those who speak of Lu’s hatred and loathing for God when experience tells me differently. Warnings of zir lust for revenge don’t speak as clearly as the heartache I’ve felt regarding zir exile, in which hell represents a separation from God. No matter if Lucifer’s rebellion was for a ‘worthy’ cause, or the necessity of it at the time, it was still a sacrifice for those that fell to be cut off from their home and creator. I could never have understood these sentiments had I remained held back by my revulsion of YHWH. My shallow understanding of what Lu stood for could only take me so far, but it eventually led me to a standstill. Just as I had to rid myself of the comforting ‘good vs. evil’ dichotomy to move forward, so too did I have to understand that there was more at stake here, that Lu was not merely a product of zir rebellion.

Had I wanted a deity who fit the ideals I strove for in the past, I would have been more comfortable with a Lucifer who did loathe zir god, and who strove to be everything YHWH was not. But that’s not the case. Instead, my own perspective was changed in the rebuilding process. I was changed to fit the mold Lu wanted, rather than me trying to form Lu into my own ideal god. This is what I speak of when I say that who and what we want to be are not always in the best interests of the gods we are devoted to, and often times they will change and remake you, little by little, until you no longer find strength in that which once inspired you, but instead are driven by a completely different cause. 

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5 thoughts on “In Which Deities Aren’t Always What They Seem

  1. Sonya says:

    Thank you for your beautiful post and your blog. Lucifer has recently revealed Himself to me and even though I’m beginning to get that He is not necessarily male I’m unfamiliar with the usage of the gender-neutral pronouns you’re using and need to research that. Anyway, even though I’m a Pagan who left the Catholic Church over 20 years ago because I knew it wasn’t for me, I still enjoy Christmas carols and Christmas movies. I’m a little surprised and delighted to realize that the spirit who was watching and enjoying those Christmas movies with me just a few weeks ago was Lu! He still feels the Pre-Fall wonder of Heaven and hasn’t lost the child inside Him that loves the lights, the joy, and the chance for redemption present at that time of year. I look forward to reading more of your blog and getting to know Lu better.

    • That aspect of zir sounds wonderful, and I’m glad you got something out of my blog! Please don’t hesitate to contact me if you have any questions, or just want to talk about Lu or Luciferianism in general.

      • Sonya says:

        I have only a million questions, but I haven’t coherently formulated any yet! I’m Lokean, but Lu ‘came out’ to me just a few hours ago and my head is reeling. Our friend over at Loki’s Bruid suggested I check out your blog and I’m so glad I did. Even though I’m an ex-Catholic, I don’t really don’t have any anti-church baggage that gets in the way of my budding relationship with Lu, but it is quite a surprise that sort of came out of left field. I’m sure I’ll have questions as I process all this.

        I was wondering if there are any books, websites, or other blogs out there that might be helpful? Also if you have any links to Lucifer artwork I’d really appreciate it. Thank you!

      • If you head over to my tumblr blog luxettenebris.tumblr.com I have some resources on my FAQ page, plus some ‘Lucifer Appreciation’ artwork posts in my archive. And you can always email me at awakeninlight@yahoo.com if you have specific questions

  2. Sonya says:

    Great, thank you!

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