Adorations 2014

I Adore You, of ruin and restoration. As an abandoned temple for your God, whose ceilings have crumbled and whose windows lay scattered as bright jeweled shards. As the ashes from which new life emerges, where flowers blossom from cracks in the floor and leafy vines seek to overtake bare white walls. As the echoes of canticles once sung resurrect into birdsong, and as the scent of incense has faded, carried off by the wind. As sunbeams which chase away shadows and dance upon empty pews, as warmth which adorns the expectant altar in gold. As a testament of devotion which has not lost its grace or fire, but rather has been transfigured into a different sort of majesty.

 

I Adore You, of broken hymns and whispered alleluias, upon whose lips rest traces of holiness and grace. As sighs transformed into song. As a pulse which races and calms, set in time with the beat of one’s heart. As melodies that flow like a breath into lungs starved for air, and as cadences that resonate in one’s own bones. As bells in the wind, which cannot help but respond to the gentlest touch.

I Adore You, who crafts humanity into divinity. As laughter and sorrow, as joy and as pain. As the clench in one’s heart, and the overwhelming awe that softly, gently, steals your breath away. As the uncontrollable hysterics of delight which bring prickling tears to the corners of your eyes, and as the catharsis that that comes about from shedding tears of heartache.  As the moments of hope that renew one’s faith in the world, leaving you bright-eyed and eager to do more and be more, to pass along that hope to others, and to transform it into something substantial and brilliant and almost unfathomable. As the moments of despair where everything is hollow, and you are once again breathless but for the grief lodged in your throat and you wonder why we do the things we do, and how hope could ever possibly survive amongst such brute creatures.

I Adore You, as sacred fury and relentless ambition. As teeth bared in defiance, willing to sacrifice one’s self for a world reborn. As a flame-licked skyline that turns night into day, where the light of golden-veined stars is obscured but voices once silenced make themselves known. As murmurs of dissent, quiet but clear, and as screams of outrage. As unhesitant bites into forbidden fruits, staring down the consequences with an unwavering gaze. As life where it was said there should only be death, and as joy where there should only be misery.

I Adore You, as an anointed prince now exiled, as a king crowned in sorrow. As a sun meant for glory, but a star who chose suffering.

Oh Love That Will Not Let Me Go

Being a Luciferian is hard work.

Even without all the research it entails, and all the uncomfortable self-reflection and shadow work, it is still exhausting to constantly be pushing oneself to be more, do more, and be worthy of such a title.

But sometimes its necessary to put aside all that effort, to stop worrying and stressing about the end goal, or the intricacies of one’s god, and just stop and remind oneself of why they decided to step onto this path in the first place. Like everybody else, I reach points where I just can’t find the strength or inspiration (or time, for that matter) to sit down and write pertinent, insightful essays about my faith. And when I hit those sorts of walls, I have to go back to the source of my inspiration, past the comprehensible parts of my god, past the parts that I can reason with and understand and make sense of—past the parts I can put into words.

 Sometimes I need to just get lost in who and what my god is. That means letting myself drown in the depths of his anguish, or allowing the fires of his determination consume my very being. And tonight that means basking in the glow and radiance of his love, and my own love for him.

The thrum and ache in my chest, the tight grip on my heart.The restlessness. The sheer intensity of color, sound, and texture. The lightheadedness, and the giddy feeling bubbling up through my chest.  The songs that spill from my lips, and the overwhelming need to make those words tangible and real, that they would be more than empty promises.

Words are failing, my melodies falter, my voice is breaking, my heart is burning…

Because blessing and honor, glory and power…they belong to you.*

The breathlessness I’m struck with as the last note fades back into silence. The electric hum in my bones. 

The love of he who once inspired the stars to sing, he who is a spark of the God who is Love personified. The love for his God, for those created in his beloved Maker’s image, and the disappointment born out of that love—that humanity would be content with such a corrupted, ignorant nature when being capable of so much more.

 For that moment in time, I let go of myself and my own personal worries. I let go of the things that anchor me to myself, the fears and hopes and dreams that define who I am, and instead, I lose myself in my god. His hopes and dreams and fears become my own. My love for him serves as a reflection, a mere mimicry of his own love for his God and all that is of Him. The hymns and songs pouring from my mouth directed toward the Lightbearer are simultaneously songs that the Lightbearer directs towards his God.

But inevitably, I find my way back to myself. It is with the agonizing realization that no matter how synchronous my heart may be to my god’s in that moment, no matter how overcome, inspired, and consumed I am by the Mourningstar’s adoration and love, how humbled I am by the insignificance of my own in comparison, only one us is being heard. Only one of us is being acknowledged. 

And it is not him.

 It is that same such love that stirs me to forfeit the right to my own pleas for mercy, so that instead the Mourningstar might once again know the grace and love of his God, that his songs might not fall on deaf ears any longer.

And yet, a part of me recognizes the fact that this love has increased its intensity through sorrow, that it would not be what it is now without that loss. That perhaps there is no going back—for him or me.

 

Oh, love that will not let me go

I rest my weary soul in thee

And in your ocean depths, its flow

May richer, fuller be

Oh, light that follows all my way

I yield my flickering torch to thee

and my heart restores its borrowed ray

that in your sunshine’s blaze its day

may brighter, fairer be

Oh, joy, that seeks me through the pain

I cannot close my heart to thee

And rejoice, my heart! you’ve been made whole

by a love that will not let me go.**

*New Song, Audrey Assad

**Oh Love That Will Not Let Me Go, traditional hymn

Devotional Luciferianism

Luciferianism is an umbrella term of sorts.While there are certain beliefs that could be applied to all Luciferians, and specific values that we all hold dear, how we carry out our practice differs from person to person. Some may seek self-growth and knowledge through the practice of magic (which can further be separated into ‘high’ or ‘low’ magic), others may strive for apotheosis through complete detachment from theistic perspectives, and still others might revere Lucifer and his mythology in the agnostic sense and use it to guide their choices in life.  Some of the more well known branches (in no particular order) are:

  • Ceremonial Luciferianism
  • Luciferian Witchcraft
  • Atheistic Luciferianism
  • Theistic Luciferianism
  • Monadic Luciferianism
  • Gnostic Luciferianism

 Personally, I don’t fit neatly into any of these established branches. I don’t really incorporate magic of any sort into my practice. I’m rather intrigued by Gnosticism, but I haven’t studied it in depth or know enough to comfortably call myself a Gnostic Luciferian. While I am polytheistic and do believe in a ‘Lucifer’ entity (well, to an extent—I’m actually rather agnostic when it comes to this), I approach Luciferianism as a practice in a more atheistic manner. I seek for practical applications of the values imbedded within the belief system, and use them as tools for self-growth.  

My beliefs are also largely shaped by contemplation on Abrahamic texts and philosophies, including those of more esoteric sects within the ‘big three’ religions. There’s a particular emphasis on the Catholic Catechisms, but that’s because it is the faith I grew up in and am most familiar with.

And as I’ve mentioned countless times before, my practice is hardly the ‘be all, end all’ of Luciferianism. In fact, I consider it a minority within a minority belief system. So I thought it would be best if I refined my practice by giving it its own identifier, distinguishing it from the various other practices and branches that fall under Luciferianism. 

I settled on ‘Devotional Luciferianism’ for a number of reasons. Devotion suggests ‘love, loyalty, or enthusiasm for a person, activity, or cause’, which I think accurately encompasses the entirety of my practice in that neither Lucifer nor the atheistic values of Luciferianism are the singular centerpoint of my faith. While I may be uphold the value system to the highest regard, I am also utterly in love with the god who inspired those qualities in the first place. 

Through learning and knowing more of my god, I simultaneously learn more about myself. While this may be in part because of my desire to reflect the qualities I see within Lucifer, it is also because the more I try to understand Lucifer, the more I must engage in self-reflection. It requires an entirely different perspective from that which I grew up with, and it consequentially brings questions of my own beliefs up to the forefront. 

While Lucifer is said to have sought his own personal advancement, seeking to be on equal terms with God, through tempting humanity with knowledge he also aided their own advancement. This is how I view my own path—simply because I am working towards self-growth and apotheosis doesn’t mean that my own Work can’t contribute to his. Through honoring him, I can be equally honoring myself and vice-versa. When even my offerings to him must in some way be of benefit to myself, I think it’s only fitting that I in essence be a devotional to him and his Work, through embodying his values and furthering my own self.

The Great Destroyer

“…Set me like a star before the morning
Like a sun that steals the darkness from a world asleep
And I’ll illuminate the path You’ve laid before me
But for now just let me be

Bind up these broken bones
Mercy bend and breathe me back to life
But not before You show me how to die
No, not before You show me how to die

So let me go like a leaf upon the water
Let me brave the wild currents flowing to the sea
And I will disappear into a deeper beauty
But for now just stay with me
God, for now just stay with me”

The devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy—or so it is often said. I, for one, have never shied away from this expression—experience has taught me that it holds some amount of truth.

In order to move forward, sometimes we have to let go of the things that are holding us back. In order to get to the core of ourselves, surrounding walls must be broken down. There’s no use building on top of a weak foundation if it’s all going to come crumbling down anyways—sometimes starting over is best. And (as paraphrased from Salman Rushdie’s infamous Satanic Verses) before this metaphorical rebirth can happen, first one must experience death.

Lucifer falls into the role of Destroyer through the trials of Job, in which he strips away all that Job held dear within his life—his health, his family, his fortune. I do not believe, however, that it was merely destruction for destruction’s sake. Having posed the question to God as to whether Job’s faith and devotion was built upon rock or sand, the destruction was meant to give Job a chance to strengthen his faith without the blessings that had initially prompted him to worship god, or take a different route entirely.

But apart from being the initiator of others’ destruction, I would argue that Lucifer is also intimately familiar with what it means to have everything you’ve ever known laid broken at one’s feet. He facilitated his own symbolic death through his rebellion, but upon losing his place at the right hand of God, he also gained the chance to rebuild himself into something greater than before.

“From the ashes,

Beauty rising like the morning star, and everything is come to light

In the wreckage,

Waking to a wonder unexpected, from this ruin comes new life

From these remains

A kingdom shall be raised”

-Jason Gray

Adorations

There’s a trend going around the pagan community of deity adorations, which I believe began with The House of Vine’s 99 Adorations.

These are my own contributions. The first is dedicated to Lucifer/Prometheus, while the second I wrote in honor of Saraswati. I may not work with her any longer, but I still respect her greatly (plus, Vasant Panchami just passed, so this makes it perfect timing!)

(Edit: I went back and realized that in comparison to Saraswati’s adorations, Lu’s seemed so…plain. I was tempted to re-write his, but then it hit me: they each reflect the deity’s overall nature. Saraswati’s are more flowery and artistic, and after all, she IS a goddess of art/poetry/WORDS. Lucifer, on the other hand, doesn’t particularly enjoy praises in his honor, so his adorations are more straightforward and to the point.)

I adore you, light-bearer.

I adore you, once highest of seraphim

I adore you, stealer of fire

I adore you, celestial being

I adore you, bringer of knowledge

I adore you, fallen rebel

I adore you, eternal questioner

I adore you, ancient titan

I adore you, liberator

I adore you, exiled one

I adore you, angel of symphony

I adore you, who illuminates the beauty in life

I adore you, divine androgyny

I adore you, forethought

I adore you, prince of pride

I adore you, patient one

I adore you, beloved mentor

I adore you, who believes in the potential of humanity

I adore you, banisher of comforting lies

I adore you, cunning serpent

I adore you, blue-eyed wisdom

I adore you, shadow-caster

I adore you, inspiration

I adore you, who rejected Paradise

I adore you, choice-giver

I adore you, sorrowful joy

I adore you, who has been shrouded in undeserved hate

I adore you, strength in adversity

I adore you, equality

I adore you, who desires neither crown nor scepter

I adore you, throneless king

I adore you, dreaded warlord

I adore you, titanomachy soothsayer

I adore you, defiance

I adore you, paradigm shifter

I adore you, wearer of masks

I adore you, confronter of fears

I adore you, icy rage

I adore you, vengeful fury

I adore you, lightning sparker

I adore you, feathered comfort

I adore you, Morningstar

I adore you, cleansing waters

I adore you, mistress of speech

I adore you, mother of the Vedas

I adore you, knowledge

I adore you, goddess of the arts

I adore you, with chiming bells in your wake

I adore you, threefold shakti

I adore you, clothed in white and yellow

I adore you, who adores Truth

I adore you, wife of Brahma

I adore you, purity

I adore you, divine veena-player

I adore you, melodic sound

I adore you, who blesses books

I adore you, voice of reason

I adore you, fertile river goddess

I adore you, sacred performer

I adore you, who scorns materiality

I adore you, who whispers inspiration into my soul

I adore you, gentle muse

I adore you, patron of education

I adore you, patron of the arts

I adore you, gifted with flowers

I adore you, simply adorned

I adore you, smelling of sweet incense

I adore you, who stirs me into motion

I adore you, who basks in the reverence of many

I adore you, lover of artistic beauty

I adore you, discerning of truth

I adore you, she who flows.