Frequently I see devotees of darkly aspected deities try to convert them into something they’re not. Most often this occurs with goddesses such as the Morrigan, Hekate, and Kali. They are painted over as being only love and light, with their true natures hidden away as though they are something to be ashamed or afraid of.
My own patron is equal parts light and dark. I realize that I tend to focus on his Lightbearer and Morningstar aspects, but this is because that is the side of him that I am most familiar with. There are, however, other sides to him that I have had to come to terms with—ones which aren’t the most pleasant.
Lucifer led a rebellion. This doesn’t mean he stood on the sidelines and watched, he actively participated in a war. He took lives. He caused death and suffering. He butchered those who he had once considered brothers, family.
There’s a quote from the movie The Prophecy I tend to refer back to whenever I am faced with this reality: “Did you ever notice how in the Bible, when ever God needed to punish someone, or make an example, or whenever God needed a killing, he sent an angel? Did you ever wonder what a creature like that must be like? A whole existence spent praising your God, but always with one wing dipped in blood. Would you ever really want to see an angel?”
Even before his rebellion, Lucifer had blood on his hands.
I once asked him if he was sorry he murdered his brothers. If he was sorry he caused such strife and grief.
His response? It needed to be done. His rebellion wasn’t pleasant at all, but it was necessary. He was sorry it reached the point where he had to kill, but there was no other way.
I often speak of the joy he has brought me, the passion for life he has stirred within me. But it hasn’t come without a price. Those same hard truths have affected me—I have had to leave and hurt those I love the most, those that were holding me back, for my independence. Not only have others been hurt, but myself as well—I have had those dear to me forcefully ripped from my life, because that relationship was stunting my personal growth—I was using them as a crutch, a lifeline, when I was perfectly able to stand on my own two feet.
His warrior aspect, the shadow cast by his Light, the part of him with blood on his hands and guilty of slaughter, is still Him. But this isn’t an aspect of his which was in the past, and never to resurface. He never stopped leading the rebellion, even after his fall. There are still necessary, painful truths that need to be dealt with.
It isn’t something to be tucked away or whispered about in hushed voices, I won’t even shy away from sharing this, despite the knowledge that this information will likely be a step backward for my Work. I know that many will equate this with the same darkness that is attributed to the Christian ‘Devil’.
So why do I try so fervently to separate the two? Because darkness is not the same as evil. He doesn’t enjoy causing pain, he doesn’t rejoice in the suffering of others. Similarly, the Morrigan, Hekate, and Kali don’t cause pain and destruction for suffering’s sake, but so that they can build anew and strengthen what were once weak foundations. So what if they’re not benevolent, motherly deities? Sometimes you don’t need a mother to kiss your hurts, you just need someone to rip away the bandaid so that you can heal properly.